


Everybody Wants to Rule the World

by NeverEnoughCats



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Betrayal, Casual disregard of death, Conspiracy, Drama & Romance, Forced Marriage, Kenny is lowkey bloodthirsty, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Paladin Butters, Princess Kenny McCormick, South Park: The Stick of Truth, Wizard King Cartman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverEnoughCats/pseuds/NeverEnoughCats
Summary: Stick of Truth AU: Princess Kenny realises that building her throne on the bones of others is counterproductive.
Relationships: Eric Cartman/Kenny McCormick, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by Bioshock Infinite's version of Tears and Fear's. Not beta-ed.

The princess kept her room dark, the only light source coming from the open balcony and a single lit candle by her table. It was enough to keep the guards unaware of her while allowing her to read her books.

 _Elven trade usually consists of fresh produce and rare minerals from their territory, heavily believing in protecting nature for her gifts._

A shuffle of boots and muffled talking had her glancing at the door. The Wizard King had insisted on more guards lately. She turned back to her book, frowning at the messy writing of an unwanted author under the sentence she was reading.

_This is why we need to take over those stinky elf fags and make them our BITCH! All they do is hug trees and dig around in their caves!_

She debated on leaving her room to find Cartman and punch him for soiling her books again, when a heavy set of footsteps came down the hallway.

“Golly it sure is late,” Kenny smiled at the familiar voice of who was most likely her favourite person in the kingdom, “I’ll take it from here folks, his Majesty says there’s gonna be a big ole announcement tomorrow morning. G’night!”

“Actually, Sir Butters, we were under strict orders not to - “ one of them began hesitantly.

“I said g’night fellas,” the paladin’s tone was still cheery and light, Kenny could imagine the smile.

The guards left one by one, a reluctant trinkle of water from an old moss tree to the grass below during a drought. Kenny listened and counted - five, no six men left their guard shifts. Her lips twisted into a brief scowl, usually there were only two or so guards outside her chambers while others patrolled. What the hell was the Wizard King thinking, putting so many outside? Did he not trust her?

The scowl gave way to a sweet smile at the gentle knocking on her doors.

“Princess?” Butters asked softly, as if in fear should the princess have been sleeping.

Snapping her book shut, Kenny set it aside and stood up. “Come in, Butters.”

“Aww gee, I hope I didn’t wake you milady princess,” the paladin said apologetically as he stepped in, making sure to lock the door behind him, “the meeting took longer than I thought.”

“It’s fine, I wasn’t sleepy,” Kenny assured him and turned to her bed, settling down gracefully before patting the space beside her, “tell me what Cartman has planned.”

Butters’ cheeks were aflame, eyes darting to the open balcony but he carefully set his hammer down and made his way to sit by his princess, “w-well his Majesty was mostly scolding us on last week’s raid and the drop in taxes from the southern villages.”

“I see,” Kenny mumbled to herself, leaning back to grab her notebook that she’s been using to keep track of the Wizard King’s nightly discussions - a selfish meeting where he refused to let her join despite her being royalty and her standing in the court, “what about the raid in the eastern town? We lost a dozen men and that trade route compromised.”

“He said something about sending a patrol to recruit new soldiers from villages.”

“By recruit he means kidnap again,” sighed Kenny as she took a quill from her bedside, dipping into the ink pot and added a new reminder: ask someone to send the kidnapped boys back if they wished to return and compensate the families whose sons choose to stay - a new knight meant a loss of helping hands in their families farms or businesses, “what else?”

Butters didn’t answer immediately, prompting Kenny to look up at him. Her paladin gazed down at his boots with an unreadable expression, hands squeezing themselves in his lap and his shoulders tense. The princess sat up straighter and reached over, covering the other’s hands lest he hurt himself by accident. “Something wrong?”

“Uh, n-nothing milady.”

“Leo,” Kenny murmured sweetly, leaning close against her paladin to rest her head on his shoulder - a dirty move of using his real name but it was a great way of twisting Butters around her finger and getting what she needed, “talk to me please.”

“His Majesty,” Butters whispered quietly, glancing over to the balcony - Kenny regretted not shutting the curtains earlier - before continuing, “he was talking about a wedding.”

“A wedding?” she echoed with a confused frown, trying to recall any recent romances and gossip. There were a number of unmarried men in their court, but none of them weren’t that important to be brought up by the Wizard King himself unless for mockery.

Butters, a gentle soul even on the battlefield, stood up suddenly and uncharacteristically snarled, “for you and him, princess! He plans to marry you so he can take full control of the kingdom!”

Kenny blinked at the display of outrage, eyes growing wide as the words sunk in. Her coming of age in a week or so, too young to become queen but old enough to become one in marriage depending on the right person. It would make sense for Cartman and her to be wed so the Wizard King would remain in power of Kupa Keep - his popularity had recently plummet after the raids and the people were becoming more vocal each day. This would make him royalty in name and cementing her in blood so her siblings were invalid. Kevin she would understand - last she heard was him disappearing into the deadzone of the dark woods - and Kenny refused to put Karen in the spotlight when she was happy with her life in the town as a normal girl. This would be a good choice in a political view..but this was Eric fucking Cartman they were talking about.

“Fuck,” Kenny breathed.

“E-exactly, fuck!” Agreed Butters with more indignation than Kenny expected him to have over her situation, before the fire slowly died as he covered his mouth in shock, “f-forgive me princess, I think I went a little overboard there.”

Shaking her head, Kenny stood up to join him. She knew that the paladin has always been part of the Wizard King’s circle but she also knew that Butters was also the prime target for mockery and scapegoat - yet above all else, she knew that he had a poorly hidden crush on her. She had seen how Butters held onto her words, felt his longing gaze upon her while she sat next to the Wizard King’s throne, shadowed her as her personal bodyguard despite his own duties and brought her gifts from lands she could never visit.

A holy paladin and a princess. It wouldn’t be the best choice for the kingdom, nor was it the worst. Butters was an excellent warrior and healer, he could take the title of prince while she ascended to queen - however compared to marriage with Cartman, there was always the chance of a distant relative or high lord to upsurge them.

Still, she couldn’t help but sigh, to be binded to Cartman by a golden ring and everyone’s expectations. She would rather die.

Die. That was an idea. Hah.

A flutter of wings or fabric made them both look up. Kenny could make out a dark shape preached on the pale white railings of the balcony - a bird coming to roost for the night perhaps. Butters however eyed the shadow with suspicion. “May I shut the curtains for a moment, princess?”

“You may,” Kenny approved and followed to help him, drawing the curtains while he shut the windows. She took a peek out, no birds and no shapes. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her. Regardless they shut the room of the cool night breeze and scent of rain.

“Sorry milady, I just get real nervous ‘round open windows,” Butter’s voice dropped into a whisper, “you never know who’s listening in.

The princess nodded, and decided to cut to the chase by stepping to the other's space and resting her hands on his shoulders, “Leo, do you love me?”

If someone put a blade to Kenny’s throat and asked her what was her greatest flaw, she would lean into it and smile at them. She knew her weaknesses: mostly Karen and a few other people but she refused to believe that being power hungry was a flaw. As a princess, she had every right to the throne that Cartman was currently warming, and she was more than ready to take it back one loyal follower - or in Butters’ case, lover - at a time. 

“W-w-what do you mean princess?” Butters sputtered, his face turned red and almost glowing in the remaining light of her reading candle - she resisted the urge to kiss his cheeks just to feel how warm they were.

“Because I do, you’re the sweetest and kindest person I know,” Kenny pressed on and couldn’t help but feel a little bad for suddenly bringing this up but she had to. Cartman would not give the crown without a fight and ruling an empty kingdom sounded boring - what better way than to force the Wizard King’s hand by leading his own army against him?

“I-I was planning to tell you on your birthday next week see, but I never thought you’d feel the same,” confessed the paladin and Kenny couldn’t help but giggle, pressing a few sweet smooches.

Kenny pulled away to bury her face against Butters’ neck, frowning into his shoulder at the thought of the Wizard, “he doesn’t let me leave the castle as a princess. He probably won’t let me leave his quarters as his queen.”

She glanced up at the other’s face, taking in the sight of Butters’ pale blue eyes frosting over, narrowed and cold at the idea. She watched the years of resentment under the Wizard King rise to the surface of those lovely eyes and a hint of the warrior that their enemies feared - Kenny sometimes wondered why people called Butters the Merciful when she had seen him crush the skulls of pleading men who dared to be a threat.

“I won’t let him do that to you,” her dear paladin told her solemnly as he tugged her close to his chest, arms around her waist, “I swear by my life.”

“Then live for me, Leo,” Kenny commanded gently as she pulled away, only to take his hand and lead him to her bed. Her own face felt warm from his sincerity. “Should there ever be a choice between life and death, promise me that you will live for me.”

“I promise,” Butters said without hesitation, letting her pull him down and on top of her but ever careful not to crush her. The princess ignored the small surge of sadness in her chest that was overwhelmed by the crashing wave of warm delight and adoration for him.

A promise was a lot like a deal with the devil, she mused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: wat shld I do during quarantine besides start watching south park
> 
> My brain: fanfic
> 
> Me: ah fuc
> 
> Lemme knw wat yall think below


	2. Chapter 2

When Kenny opened her eyes, she took note of three things.

The bedside was empty, cold and neat save for a single note left on the pillows.

The curtains were drawn and it was bright as fuck. Her balcony doors half closed, enough for the sound of birdsong to reach her.

There was someone knocking her doors.

“Come in,” the princess yawned as she picked up the note. It looked like it was a spare part of her notebook, carefully torn until the ends where it was clumsily ripped - no doubt the work of her paladin. It was rather endearing, how hard he tried.

“Good morning, Kenny,” Wendy greeted her as she busied in her room, carrying a jug of steaming water and vials of scented oils in the washroom before pulling at Kenny’s blankets, “you’ve a busy day today, we should get ready soon.”

“I don’t understand how you can be so active in the morning,” Kenny grumbled at her personal attendant as she dragged herself out of bed in case Wendy felt the need to carry her out - she had done it once and it was terrifying to say the least.

“Well they do say the early bird catches the worm,” Wendy said with a thoughtful hum, swiftly neatening the bed and nudging Kenny into the washroom to prepare, “although the second mouse gets the cheese so maybe it cancels out. Don’t drown in there.”

Grunting, Kenny started to clean herself with the waters and oils as she recalled what Butters said last night. “What’s the plan today?” 

“There’s breakfast but his Majesty requested you join him for it in the gardens, then there's audience with the mayors of the various towns to listen to their problems in the afternoon, followed by your lessons and then dinner,” Wendy explained while she laid out a few dresses under her scrutiny, “do you feel like pastel pink or creamy beige today?”

“Can’t I go with my usual dress and cloak?”

“The king asked for you to be in something new. And no cloak.”

Kenny peered out of the washroom, busy detangling her long blonde locks - maybe she should consider cutting them short but Cartman insisted that it made her look regal, “then I trust your judgement, Wendy.”

“I trust me too,” her attendant teased as she laid down a beige gown on the bed and tossed in a few gold bracelets and pendant to match while the princess finished up.

They fell into a comfortable silence as Wendy helped her into her dress and started on her corset, Kenny brushing her hair into a simple braid. The princess considered her friend from the corner of her eye. “Hey Wendy?”

“Hm?”

“Wanna help me overthrow the king?”

The tug on her laces paused, allowing Kenny to take a breath before she grunted on the next pull. “Sure.”

“Really?” That was easy, but then again Wendy never really liked Cartman.

“Really, though I want a pay raise. And knighted in front of the town square instead of the throne room, they have this lovely fountain that doves hang around. Knight Testaburger has a nice ring to it.”

“It sure does,” Kenny agreed, pretending to know what the town square or its fountain looked like, “do you want sapphires or amethyst on your sword?”

“Both,” Wendy replied before patting Kenny’s back to signal that she was done. She twisted away to hand over the remaining accessories with a teasing grin. “So I take it that your plan is to seduce the whole kingdom? I see you’ve got Butters around your finger.”

Kenny covered her mouth to hide her smile. “I was thinking that if I can turn Cartman’s inner circle against him, the rest will have to follow. That or kill him in his sleep.”

“The sandman does get everyone,” Wendy agreed with a sagely nod. “What do you need?”

“Cover for me once in a while and uh,” the princess bit her lip at her suggestion, “maybe help me with Token and Scott?”

They were on her list but she knew that Wendy was closer to them than she was.

“I won’t even have to seduce them, give me a few days. We’ll bond with our mutual dislike of Cartman.”

“Thanks Wendy,” Kenny sighed in relief, grinning when her attendant rolled her eyes at her and started to clean up. Left to her own devices, Kenny turned her gaze to the note Butters left her.

 _Dear princess!  
_ _Good morning, when you read this I have gone on a mission to help a town near the border. I  
will bring sweets back, they say the cookies from this town are amazing!   
_ Yours,   
_Butters  
PS. Are you my girlfriend now?_

“He’s such a sweetheart,” Wendy laughed over her shoulder, eyeing the letter with glee, “how I wished I had someone who adored me like that.”

“Well I saw you talking to Token the other day by the gates,” Kenny huffed and rolled her eyes at her friend, tugging on her slippers and pausing in front of the mirror - with Wendy’s fairy godmother aid, she looked the part of the fairest maiden of Kupa Keep. Wendy held out her tiara, the final touches as a princess.

“I was just checking up on him, he said he fell off his horse earlier.”

“Yeah, he fell off his horse - for you.”

“Quiet you,” her friend said with a playful elbow to her ribs as she started to the door, “if only I had someone who left me loveletters like yours, I bet Butters got that rose from the gardens.”

Kenny giggled, then blinked slowly. A rose?

Wendy raised a brow at her confusion when she didn’t join her at the door, before gesturing to her reading desk, “he left a letter and a rose at your balcony, I put in a vial so it wouldn’t dry out. I think he knows that you usually hang out there to sing to the animals.”

“Of course,” the princess quickly agreed as she walked, a neatly folded paper and a thornless pale purple rose sitting innocently on her desk.

_Your beauty reminds me of a crystal dagger poise above one’s heart, sharp and lovely._

Not Butters’ handwriting, or his brand of poetry. It wasn’t signed and Kenny couldn’t remember what was the meaning of a dethorned lavender rose. Either way she shoved the letter into her desk drawers to deal with later, Cartman was waiting.

-

“Took you long enough,” the Wizard King greeted when they arrived at the pavilion, ignoring the roll of eyes from Kenny while Wendy stiffened in irritation behind her, “your attendant can leave, in fact all of you can leave. Go, get the fuck out of here.”

“Thank you for your help,” Kenny told the servants preparing the lavish breakfast spread out on the table and to Wendy who huffed in offense. Cartman seemed to debate over something for a moment, before leaning over to pull a chair out next to him for her.

“What, you thank those shitbags and not me?” Cartman asked with a sneer as he reached over to grab a sweetroll.

Kenny sighed quietly as she sat down. She nudged the basket of jams closer to the Wizard King - not because she gave a shit about him, it was just that he would throw a fit if she didn’t - before mumbling, “oh I don’t know, maybe if you stop fucking writing all over my books, I’d feel grateful.”

“I was just trying to add some of my wisdom, Kinny. Maybe it would teach you something so you don’t have to go around lifting your skirts for anything that moves like the slut you are.”

The princess glanced over to the guards, two of them at the foot of the pavilion yet still close enough to hear - they kept their eyes on the ground and shifted uncomfortably. A distance away, Wendy stood next to the residential cleric Token watching them and Kenny wondered if they saw two people having a casual chat over a meal. Cartman didn’t care and neither did she, they had stopped trying to keep their type of conversation away from others long ago. “Luckily for me, you’re too fat to move much.”

Cartman narrowed his eyes at her, then turned his attention to pouring tea. She half expected him to spit into her cup but she watched him add the right amount of milk and sugar she enjoyed before passing it to her while she searched the bread basket for pastries - sugar coated buns for him and blueberry scones for herself. “Really? And here I thought you’d fuck dead people for a pretty penny.”

Kenny let out an unladylike snort. “ _Please_ , I’d fuck your mother’s corpse for a cornchip but I’m worried that I might get trapped in her whore canal. I hear people pray to her for fertility by cumming all over her grave. Bet that still makes whatever’s left of her pussy wet.”

“Don’t talk about my mother, you bitch,” the Wizard King had gotten better at not yelling but still hadn’t reached the part of not slamming the table in anger. Kenny made sure to pick up their teacups when Cartman pounded the table with his fist, ducking smoothly when he threw a muffin at her. It landed at the edge of the pavilion and made a valiant roll to escape the shitshow but didn’t have enough momentum to actually fall off. Poor thing.

“As you wish, my king,” Kenny said dryly as she handed him back his tea after he calmed down enough, resting her chin in her palm to lazily watch a few birds flutter over to curiously peak at the muffin. “So what's the special occasion that you wanted breakfast out here instead of the usual hall?”

Cartman leaned back in his seat. “Marry me.”

One of the guards seemed to choke on his spit. Kenny’s hands itched for the slender wood of her bow and chose to ignore it. Without taking his eyes off her, Cartman grabbed his staff and pointed it in the guard’s general direction. The guard yelped as his pants caught on fire.

“No thanks.”

Choked laughter at the princess’ deadpan answer. She didn’t know which guard it came from but Cartman waved his staff and lit both of them on fire. He watched them run around, sneering at their panicked drop and rolls then continued, “I wasn’t asking, Kinny. I’m ordering you.”

Kenny bit his lip, glaring at the Wizard. “We’re the same rank, you can’t command me dumbass. I’m not even of age.” 

“True, true but you’re turning eighteen in a week and that’s like, old enough. We will host the wedding with your coronation as my queen, two birds one stone.” Not a bad move on Cartman, no kingdom wouldn’t stand for their princess being underage.

“Don’t I get a say in who I marry?” she hissed at him as the combination of his condensing tone and blatant disregard of her opinion crawled under her skin and fanned her general irritation of Cartman into a bigger flame. She resisted the urge to stab him with her fork.

Somewhere behind them, the chirping of birds became frightened squawks and was quickly replaced with squeaks and scutters. 

“Who else are you gonna wed huh? There’s only a handful of people who would want your bitchy ass _and_ be of the proper rank. I’m looking out for you, Kinny!” Cartman patronised her with a wounded look, a hand on his chest while the other lowered his staff, “don’t tell me you wanna marry some no name pussy from the village and lose your place as queen hm? What would your baby sister say _hmm_?”

Kenny stabbed him with the fork. Sadly forks weren’t the optimal weapon to draw blood.

“Fucking hell! Chrissake, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Cartman shouted as he flailed his arms, stumbling away from his chair - then back onto it when he noticed rats swarming their table, jumping up and down to bite at his robes, “piece of shit fuck you do this every time you skank whore - “

“Shut up, fat ass,” Kenny snarled with a roll of eyes but turned her attention to the rats, whispering for them to come to her instead. The mischief of rats shifted, as if confused in her sudden change of desire of tearing Cartman limb from limb to leaving him alone, before crowding around her chair.

“No, you shut the fuck up. And i’m not fat, just big boned,” whined the Wizard King as he glared at her and the rodent - Kenny expected him to set them both on fire, but a nervous clearing of the throat made them turn.

“Excuse me, your royal highnesses mkay,” an unfamiliar man spoke, giving a bow so low that Kenny expected him to topple over from how big his head was, “there’s an audience with the town mayors in five minutes mkay.”

Cartman leaned closer to hiss, “who the fuck is that?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Kenny hissed back before schooling her features into a sweet smile aimed at their interruption, “I see, and you are…?”

“My name is Sir Mackey, mkay. I was hired as an advisor of your court awhile ago...mkay.”

The princess raised a brow, she was fairly certain that they already had a court advisor. She turned back to Cartman. “What happened to Clyde?”

“I may have banished him from the kingdom,” came Cartman’s innocent answer before Kenny kicked him under the table. “Ow! I had to! He was snooping outside my chambers, he could have been trying to steal the Stick damnit!”

“You probably asked him to go there then forgot stupid. When was that?”

“Dunno, last month or something.”

“You said he was on a mission.”

“Yeah, a mission to fuck off.”

Damn, she had liked Clyde well enough. Now she felt a little bad for not noticing his disappearance. Another one off her list then.

With a heavy sigh, Kenny reached out to refill their cups in a show of good faith and to calm herself before she leaped at the other in front of their new advisor. Thankfully Cartman took the hint and settled down with a grumble. They both took a moment to collect their thoughts - ignoring Sir Mackey awkwardly there in the corner of their vision.

“Shouldn’t you take someone who can,” Kenny gestured weakly, desperately trying to come up with a way out, “bare you an heir?”

“Not a problem, I’ve got a spell for that. Was thinking of having two boys and a girl but I hope they take after me.”

“What, you want them to come rolling out of the womb as round as you?”

“At least they would be _human_ ,” Cartman said and stared at her over his cup, half-moon eyes knowing and waiting for her to snap. 

The rats hissed and bristled under her. “Fuck you, Eric.”

“No thanks,” Cartman replied nonchalantly in a mockery of the princess’ previous answer, checking his nails and blowing the nonexistent dirt from them, “I rather save it for our wedding night, _but_ if you insist well I can’t stop you. I know I’m irresistible after all - wait where are you going?”

Kenny had gotten up, kicking her chair in. Rude and not very princess-like but she didn’t care. The rats scuttled around her feet as she started down the pavilion. “Away from you, asshole.”

“Hey Mackey,” she heard Cartman whine at the advisor, “would you kindly tell those mayors that I’m cancelling? By that I mean to go fuck themselves? Thanks.”

She stopped in her tracks, glancing over her shoulder in surprise. “You mean postpone, right?”

“Nope, I’m thinking of starting on the wedding preparations instead. They’re mayors, they’re supposed to handle their towns and it’s not my problem if they can’t.”

The princess resisted the urge to strangle the king and had to speak slowly in fear that she might start shouting, “Eric, those people come to us when their problems grow too big to handle. Where do you get the food and money for a wedding? Their harvest and taxes. Talk to them or else.”

“Or else what? You threatening me, Kinny? Even if I don’t talk to them, it’s not like there’s a wedding to worry about anyway since you’re the one who said no,” Cartman shot back with a lazy smirk and a knowing look in his eye, leaving his seat to walk up to her. He already knew that he was winning this fight and knew that she did too, as the smirk fell from his face into a serious look, “I’ll give you until midnight.”

Without a word, Kenny turned away in the direction of the castle and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention the kenric is love-hate? by that i mean mostly hate but they are that weird couple that work eerily efficient together and the balance each other out. kinda.


	3. Chapter 3

The wind howled and threatened to pull down her hood, muffling the world around her as her steed galloped down the forest path. Tall trees above soaking the afternoon sun and leaving dapple shadows. 

Kenny ended up going back to her room for her travelling bag, bow and quiver. She chunked her tiara on the bed, exchanging her slippers for riding boots and snatched up her cloak, to take comfort in hiding her face in the brown furs. She slowed down when she noticed another loveletter sitting on the handle of her balcony doors, pink and red carnations tied to it with twine.

_ You came to the world in spring, but I like to think you brought the end of winter to us - the flowers, laughter and life. _

The paper joined its sibling in the drawers and she left before Cartman could send someone to tail her. The secret door of the garden maze that led to the woods outside the kingdom, Butters had led her to it once and they snuck around to watch the stars. She called to the forest until a white unicorn stepped out to greet him. The princess always felt it would stab her wherever they met - the books said unicorns only accepted virgin girls, but it would simply wait for her to mount it and trotted away. Perhaps they changed their policies and forgot to drop a memo to the people who were hunting them to extinction.

“Slow,” the princess murmured as they reached the deeper part of the woods, sliding off when the unicorn came to a stop. Should really bring a bridle and saddle next time so she wouldn’t accidentally tug at its mane or have aches in her thighs, she thought as she picked up her skirts and stepped off the path.

Across them was a clearing and a swallow cave, the latter hidden by a curtain of hanging moss and away from prying eyes. The air was cool and grass greener than she had last seen, her equine companion brushing past her to walk over to sniff at the wildflowers around them. Kenny covered their tracks the best she could, although there shouldn’t be a reason for anyone to head her way considering that the forest path wasn’t often used.

Her little hideaway, a little chilly as they were a few weeks into spring but still comfortable enough. A stack of dusty books at the side, random stuff she thought were interesting to take and a makeshift bedding of cloth over old moss in the center. A cosy hole for the queen of rats. Kenny took a moment to tidy things up: tossed out from old flowers, found a small sack of odd coins from her animal friends she forgot to give Butters for his birthday last year and restuffed the bedding with new moss. Satisfied, Kenny laid down her bow, sitting down.

The first was her notebook and a map from her bag. Butters didn’t say which town, but there weren’t that many settlements along the kingdom border - and he mentioned something about cookies. She checked her book for any mentions of a problem that the Wizard King would require a warrior of Butters’ rank but nothing came to mind.

Finally, she narrowed it down to two possible places: Stonebury Hollow and Henesys. Both were towns that were friendly to all species, although the former was more likely to turn a blind eye to shady business. Tracing them on the map, she pursed her lips when she realised that Stonebury Hollow wasn’t that far from here - less than an hour’s journey on horseback if the map could be trusted but then what?

Butters might not even be there and even if he were, she balked at the idea of troubling him.

It was wishful thinking of sneaking in, but Kenny always did dream big and this helped distract her from the dreadful meeting later with Cartman.

...Maybe just a peek.

Yeah, a quick look around town. Cartman wouldn’t care less as long as she came back in time and nobody would recognise her since she had not left the castle in years.

With a determined look, Kenny shoved her stuff back in the bag. She was shrugging on her cloak when a twig snapped. Occasional rabbits and deer would visit her when she came over, rustling foliage and bushes until they reached her so she waited for a little furry head to peek past the moss curtains.

Nothing. No friendly animal or sound from outside - the unicorn had a tendency to wander off when she wasn’t paying attention.

With a frown, Kenny pulled her hood up and held her bow close, stepping out. Everything looked normal, the grass around was undisturbed and the unicorn was missing. Then she looked down at the mouth of the cave.

“What the fuck,” she breathed, eyeing the letter resting innocently in front of her. A small bundle of dandelions sat on top of it. She drew an arrow from her quiver, the same person at her balcony must have been right outside the cave and she didn’t even notice. The only movement in the surrounding bushes were from the wind, the serenity of the forest suddenly gone now that she knew she was not alone.

A minute or so passed without a bandit or troll jumping out at her, Kenny lowered her bow but didn’t dare put it away. Ignoring the paper, she started to hum to herself, little mindless tunes she faintly recalled visiting bards sang. The animals seemed to like her music, although it was always the rats who came to her first. Cartman once called her the gayest pipe-piper in Zaron when she used a flute.

Leaves rustled as a handful of rats and field mice crawled out, covering the grass in browns and gray. To her delight, a little possum wandered over and allowed her to scoop it up into her arms. It sniffed at her sleeves. As Kenny waited for the unicorn to appear - it usually took its time compared to the other creatures - an odd mix of browns and white patches shuffled its way through the mischief to her.

“Huh,” she murmured as she bent down to pick up the creature, trading the possum to inspect the furry newcomer. It looked like a vole but rounder and had a much shorter tail. “Aren’t you a cutie? I don’t think I’ve seen your kind before here.”

The not-vole squeaked and she was about to lower it back down when she heard a muffled ‘oh shit’ from above.

“Put the guinea pig down,” a man ordered gruffly as he dropped down from the trees - Kenny cursed herself for not checking the branches overhead earlier. She shifted the vole - or guinea pig - onto her shoulder, swiftly nocked an arrow and took aim.

He was young, maybe around her age. Armed with a dagger - a thief perhaps and close range, dressed in dull browns and a darker cape. She took note of his navy blue hat and the yellow puff on it, half his face hidden in his collar similar to how she did with her hood. He stood far enough for her to get the first shot, but too close for her to safely fire a second. Kenny silently urged the unicorn to hurry the fuck up.

“I can pay double of whatever they are paying you,” Kenny told him, playing the role of a fearful lady being cornered by a thief. The rats scattered, darting into the shadows of bushes to surround them. He raised a brow at her, before she realised that he didn’t catch her mumbles and tugged her hood down. “I said I can double what they’re paying.”

“I don’t care,” the probably assassin said firmly, nodding to the furry mammal on her shoulders, “put Stripe down.”

“Stripe?” echoed the princess. Part of her wanted to let the rats leap on him, tear at his flesh long enough for her to empty her quiver into him but a small part of her was curious. Carefully, she placed Stripe down and watched the rogue put away his dagger to hurriedly scoop up the guinea pig.

“His name,” the man explained with quiet reluctance after dropping Stripe into a pocket. “I’m not here to kill you.”

They observed each other, his almost bored stare locked on her distrustful gaze - both waiting for the other to make a move. In the end, Kenny gave in first by slowly lowering her bow with a question, “who sent you?”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m leaving,” said the rogue with a halfhearted shrug. Kenny noted that he didn’t actually make any move to go.

“Is that yours?” She asked, gesturing to the flowers and letter.

“Not anymore.”

The princess couldn’t help but snort, dropping all pretense of a damsel in distress. “I see that you’re better in poetry than conversation.”

The man flipped her off and without thinking, she did the same. His eyes widened slightly and he coughed. “They teach you that in lady school?”

“No, but I’d imagine they do it with the pinky out,” she answered with a coy smile, trading cautious for playful. In the distance, she could hear faint hoovesteps heading their way. “I’m Kenny.”

“Feldspar,” he replied simply, a curve of a grin tugging his lips before they flattened into a neutral line. The thief glanced over to the untouched letter. “Aren’t you gonna read it?”

“I rather have my letters be given to me in person,” Kenny cooed softly, lowering her lashes and glancing shyly to the side. A popular blushing maiden move, Wendy had told her, lower their guard and make them think you’re weak.

With a sigh, Feldspar walked over to pick up the letter and flowers. He stopped an arm’s length away, holding them out and refusing to meet her eye. “Hurry up.”

A foolish move, looking away or maybe he was very confident in his abilities. Considering that he knew which balcony to break into, he knew who she was, they were alone in a forest and nobody from the Keep knew where she was. The letter could have poison powder or a spell - not that it mattered much to her.

“Thank you kindly, stranger,” Kenny said with a bashful smile, taking the offering followed by two steps backwards. Bursting from the foliage, the unicorn slammed into Feldspar. She unfolded the letter, ignoring the thief’s cursing.

_ If I lit all the treasure in the kingdoms aflame, you would burn the brightest. _

Morbid, but she could appreciate it. Briefly, Kenny wondered if the Stick would even catch on fire. She looked back at the fight, Feldspar with his blade in one hand while the other pressed against the red growing on his shoulder - he danced away from the sharp horn and kicking hooves but never got close enough to do any damage. If he tried to run, the rats forced him back - beady eyes wild and hungry. Somewhere on Feldspar’s person, Kenny heard a startled squeak and her original plan of turning him into a pincushion crumbled away.

“That’s enough,” the princess told them, waving away the rats and glaring at the unicorn when it refused to barge. She pressed, stepping in between the equine and the thief - hands raised to calm the former and her unguarded back to the latter. When the unicorn settled down enough to let her stroke its large head and she didn’t feel a knife sink into her spine, she turned back to Feldspar - who was either a really bad assassin not to take that opportunity or truly had no desire to harm her. “Sorry about that.”

“You could have killed me,” Feldspar bit out, a scowl twisting his face into something cold yet still handsome. It reminded her of a wolf she once charmed years ago, dark fur thick enough to hide the jagged scar on its hindleg. It never dared to come close for her to check its leg and it scared the other animals, always staying at the edge of the clearing to watch them. She found it a few months later, cold and unmoving in a hunter’s trap at the edge of the woods.

“A tree branch could have killed you if it fell right,” Kenny said with a frown, shaking her head at the memory and shifting her gaze to his shoulder. “Let me see.”

The wolf would have scrambled away but Feldspar held his ground, watching her every move with narrowed eyes. A swallow cut starting from the collarbone and growing deeper as it reached the edge of his shoulder. She bit her lip, she didn’t have much so she had to make due with the spare fabric from her bedding and clean water from her canteen to clean it - regretting that she didn’t take up Butters and Token’s offering to teach her healing spells.

“It’s fine,” the thief interrupted her bitter musing, hints of amusement amongst the wariness in his gaze. They had taken to sitting on the grass outside her cave so she could look at the wound properly. The unicorn rested at the edge of the clearing, watching them closely.

“There’s a town nearby, Stonebury Hollow. You can get it checked there,” Kenny suggested without thinking, twisting off a bracelet and holding it to him, “here.”

Feldspar blinked slowly at her, like an owl waking in the middle of the day. “It’s fine, really.”

Was he worried that the bracelet had the royal sigil? Probably, she heard that even the black market was cautious when it came to anything with the royal mark. “Don’t worry, it’s solid gold - no symbols or spells. I think it would fit you if you wanted to keep it.”

To her surprise, Feldspar let out a chuckle - deep and smooth. She ignored the heat on her cheeks and the quiet voice in her head saying ‘huh, cute’.

“Do you always offer people jewelry after trying to kill them?”

“Only the cute ones.” Kenny resisted the urge to slap herself but the faintest shade of pink on his cheeks was worth it. “Do  _ you  _ always stalk people to give them letters?”

“Only the cute ones.”

An intriguing idea came to her - on the factors that she remembered Butters’ note and that Feldspar was likely the most neutral person. “If you don’t mind me asking, is Stonebury Hollow known for their cookies?”

“What?”

Kenny shrugged awkwardly. “You know, flat pastries. Often sweet with bits of chocolate or fruits in them. Chocolate chip’s a popular flavor.”

“I know what cookies are,” Feldspar said with a snort, not meeting her gaze, “the bakery’s east of the town by the tavern.”

“Would you kindly escort me to town, sir Feldspar?”

He raised a brow at her, so she continued, “for you to see a doctor and me to get cookies. Surely you wouldn’t let a poor defenseless maiden go to a place like Stonebury alone.”

“Defenseless my ass,” Feldspar grumbled under his breath, stealing a glance at the unicorn and the rodent in the bushes. “I’m not a guard, princess.”

“Please? You seem like someone who knows his way around,” Kenny pressed on with a pout and peered at him through her lashes, a lie on the tip of her tongue. “It’s my sister’s birthday, she loves cookies.”

The thief stood up and gave her a look that said ‘drop the act’. “Nope.”

“Fine then,” Kenny shot back hotly, pulling her knees to her chest and tugging her cloak tighter around herself. “It’s not like I needed your help.”

She glared at the space away from him, then it softened as she dropped it to stare at the grass below - pout growing into something more natural. Eyes down and pouting lips, Wendy had told her. The kicked puppy look - nobody liked seeing pitiful things. It even worked on Cartman sometimes.

Feldspar's footsteps started away from her, then slowed to a stop. He let out a heavy sigh. When she dared a peek, Feldspar idled at the edge of the clearing closest to the forest path, a bored expression on his face - the wolf watching from a distance. “I don’t have all day.”

“Neither do I,” Kenny smiled softly, not needing to summon a false one. “Thank you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the unicorn is like a minecraft horse, look away one moment and it will be on a mountain next


	4. Chapter 4

It took longer than expected to see smoke rising from chimneys and pointed tips of roofs to come into view - Feldspar had refused to join her on the unicorn’s back. Stonebury Hollow was a town built upon a crossroad in the forest route, when caravans used to travel before the war. As the tension between the kingdoms grew, the trade stopped and Stonebury became less of a pit-stop and more of a friend’s house for those weary of their own.

“Keep your cloak on, you’re dressed too nice,” Feldspar told her as they neared the town. He nodded to her steed. “And ditch it. Their horns are the top of the market.”

“Don’t worry, it’s trained to trample people,” Kenny explained but slid off the unicorn as asked, giving it a farewell scratch between its eyes and down its nose. The beast snorted before wandering off into the woods. “Shall we stop by the healer first?”

“Just stay close princess,” grumbled the thief as he led her into town.

There was no gate or guards, just a dozing sentry by a swaying lamp pole. A marketplace further down, a crowd of humans and elves busied about. Kenny paused to take in the sight of elves walking amongst humans - willingly too - but didn’t get a chance to observe when Feldspar grabbed her wrist firmly to keep her moving.

“Anything I should know besides shadowing you?”

“Keep your weapons hidden and you can buy almost anything if you have enough coin,” the thief murmured to her, stopping in front of a house with a fading sign nailed by the door. No words, just a large red cross painted on. Kenny noted with fascination that the lanterns hanging outside were filled with what seemed to be fireflies while Feldspar pushed open the door. “I’m also gonna stop calling you by your title, and don’t shout my name across the streets.”

“Got it.”

Inside was warm, floating orbs of light instead of candles and a messy table. Humming came from a side room, muffled by heavy curtains. The strong scent of herbs left Kenny in a coughing fit, Feldspar hesitantly patting her back until someone emerged from the curtain.

“Welcome to Bebe’s, best clinic with no questions asked. Who’s hurt?” A young elf woman peered at them, walking over and into their space to press a hand against Kenny’s heaving chest.

“Not me,” Kenny managed to choke out as the cough died away, taking deep breaths and trying not to stare at the healer’s pointy ears. She could already hear Cartman preaching that a good elf was a dead elf. “His shoulder.”

“Ohh,” the elf cooed and turned to Feldspar, before gesturing them into the side room. Kenny was tempted to wait outside, knowing the smell was stronger inside but forced herself to follow after a minute. The room was small, two cots squeezed side by side and an abundance of herbs on a small counter. The thief was seated cross-legged on a cot, his shirt and cape gone as he unwrapped the makeshift bandage. Kenny cringed at the angry red around the wound, carefully sitting on the other cot and out of the way as Bebe fretted at the cut.

“This might sting,” Bebe warned Feldspar, resting a fair hand on his shoulder. It glowed for a moment and the thief gritted his teeth, before she pulled away. The cut was gone, tanned skin left in its wake. 

“Need to grab something from the back,” the healer explained as she made her way out, glancing at Kenny, “make sure your boyfriend stays still, okay hun?”

She left before Kenny could correct her. The princess shifted her eyes to Feldspar’s and she mused on how long could she stare at him before it was considered socially inappropriate, then realised something. “Where’s Stripe?”

Feldspar reached between his legs, holding up a ball of tawny browns, white and twitching whiskers. “He’s asleep.”

“I’ve never seen a guinea pig in the wild,” Kenny breathed as she scooted closer for a better look.

“There aren’t anymore. People keep them as pets and food.” Feldspar’s face twisted slightly at the last word.

“I thought he looked like a tailless vole or a really fat gerbil at first.”

“He’s not fat, guinea pigs are naturally round. Can you imagine a skinny one? It’s unnatural, like a slim baby. That means it’s been starved or too ill to eat.”

Kenny nodded slowly at the other’s enthusiasm and started to dig around her bag, yeah a slim baby did sound weird as fuck. “I guess. Does he like fruits? I have a few dried oranges and plums I keep for my rats.”

“Oranges are good, Stripe can’t produce his own vitamin C,” Feldspar said, then paused as his eyebrows furrowed. “And about that, what’s up with the rats? I get the unicorn, but don’t princesses usually do birds or butterflies? Girl stuff.”

“My grandparents were pipe-pipers, I inherited and decided to skip the children,” Kenny grinned at the other’s expression, holding out a small bag of dried fruits. “I’m joking. Guess I just didn’t win the princess lottery. It’s not too bad, rats are actually very clean creatures and really smart. You can teach them to do tricks. I taught mine to find coins and do flips.”

“Stripe can do tricks,” the thief muttered while taking the bag from her, as if not to be outdone. “I just don’t want to wake him up.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Feldspar,” Kenny smiled at him.

A moment of silence fell upon them. The princess glanced at the curtain, waiting for the healer to return while Feldspar propped his chin in a hand to stare at her weirdly - as though she was a new species he didn’t know existed. “They never said the princess had a sister.”

“They also never said the princess had an army of rats,” Kenny said with a huff, taking another look at the curtain before narrowing her eyes at Feldspar. “Okay. One word to the public and the unicorn will get your heart instead.”

Her only response was a raised brow, so she continued - she didn’t often get the chance to gush over Karen. “She’s a sweet thing, loved to make flower crowns and snuck me sweets when we were little. She had this thing where she knew I was going to do something stupid and she would give this look.”

Feldspar’s lips twitched into a soft smile, unhindered by his high collar. “Must be a sister thing. Mine does the same thing, just louder and flips me off.” He demonstrated the gesture and Kenny couldn’t help but grin, “how old is she? Tricia’s a monster right now at fifteen, can’t stand any bullshit and powered by determination. She could probably whip the town into shape within minutes.”

The grin threatened to slide off Kenny’s face as she took a few heartbeats to count. How old was Karen? It had been nearly a year since she last saw her - Cartman allowed her a visit on birthdays and special occasions but otherwise Kenny only had vague updates here and there. She really was a terrible sibling. “Around the same age, ” Kenny settled for a safe answer and tried to change the subject, “maybe you should sign your sister up for guards. I hear they’re lacking a passionate commander.”

“Maybe,” Feldspar said with a loose shrug, “that way the guards might actually notice me in the castle.”

“Or maybe you’re just too sneaky,” the princess offered with a wink, “someone should put a bell on you.”

Feldspar stared at her. “Are you flirting with me?”

Kenny stared back. “Am I?”

A door slamming shut had them both startled and Feldspar reaching for his dagger. Bebe walked back in, a cloth bundle in hand and eyed them. “Well aren’t you two looking cosy together,” the elf laughed, shaking her head when Kenny made to move away, “I’m just teasing, here.”

She then placed the bundle down on the cot, opening it up to reveal a bottle of ointment and a small packet of leaves. “Apply once in the day and night on the shoulder to help with the aches. The tea is my specialty, get it? Special tea?” she snickered at her own pun, “seep it for like, two minutes and it’ll be ready.” 

“I thought healing magic was instant,” Feldspar asked with a frown, quickly wearing his shirt. Kenny refused to acknowledge that quiet voice in her head commenting that the thief’s blush extended from his face to his upper chest.

Man, maybe Cartman was right - she flirted with anything that moved but in her defence Feldspar was cute and he was nice with animals so it wasn’t her fault.

“It is, I’m just a little out of juice,” Bebe explained with a depressing sigh, ”we had a large group come in earlier, all from enchanted weapons. Luckily there was this warrior guy helping out - you’d think that anyone from the Keep was dangerous, but he was so sweet.”

Kenny stood up. “This guy from the Keep, is he still here? Did he mention his name?”

“No and no, he left a few hours ago. He’s not that hard to miss. Blond fluffy hair, carries a hammer,” Bebe replied with a grin, leaning in to whisper to Kenny, “you should have seen his hands work.”

“Bet he could really nail someone with his  _ hammer  _ alright,” the princess couldn’t help but purr and Bebe snorted in laughter. In the corner of her eye, Feldspar seemed to tense up and glared at them so Kenny cleared her throat. “So uh, did they say how they got hurt?”

“That’s the thing. They were a hunting party who went to the dark woods but didn’t see the attacker and the enchantment was weird - like the cute guy said he had never seen it before or at least, human magic.”

“What about elf magic?” Feldspar spoke up, tugging his collar higher before.

“Rumor has it that the High Jew elves were sending someone to investigate,” Bebe whispered excitedly, on the verge of squealing, “can you imagine? A high elf, in Stonebury!”

“I can’t,” Kenny answered honestly at Bebe’s gossip when they reached the main room. “So how much do I owe you?”

“Around eighty coins but seventy will cut it since you two are so cute - compared to that group of men half-drunk on meds just now.”

“You used to charge fourty - ” the thief began with a scowl but Kenny cut him off by placing her bracelet on Bebe’s table.

“Is this enough?”

The elf stared at the payment, inspecting it carefully. “Very. I’m afraid I won’t have enough change.”

“That’s alright,” Kenny assured her, heading out the door and gesturing Feldspar to join her, “no questions asked right?”

Bebe grinned and waved them off. “That’s right! Come back soon - or not!”

The door clicked shut behind, leaving them alone in the path. Feldspar looked ready to complain about the bracelet but stopped short when he saw Kenny glare at the darkening sky - red dulling into indigo as though it personally offended her. “What?”

“I forgot to ask Bebe the time. I need to get back before midnight.”

“The bakery closes soon,” Feldspar sighed and started down the path. “What flavours do you want for your sister?”

The princess chewed her lip as she caught up with him. “I lied earlier.”

“About having a sister?”

“About it being her birthday. It’s been months since I’ve seen her, I don’t even know what cookies she likes.”

“Chocolate chip,” Feldspar offered, side eyeing her. “It’s the most popular choice. Tricia likes peanut butter.”

“And you?”

“...Chocolate chip.”

“How basic,” Kenny snickered into the furs of her hood.

“Thanks,” the thief snorted and rolled his eyes. “I’ll pay this time so don’t show off your bangles. Stonebury closes an eye when it comes to robbing from the too rich.”

“You mean like those guys shanking that traveler over there?”

Feldspar looked over to the alleyway she was pointing to. A gang of five men standing over a slumped figure, yanking out a knife from the fallen shape’s chest - one of them was looking in their direction, sharp eyes on Kenny’s clothes and remaining bracelet. Damn, and they were so close to the bakery. “Yeah, like them.”

“Does Stonebury also close an eye when it comes to self-defense?” Kenny was already drawing an arrow, shifting her weight as she raised her bow..

“Probably, after a customary warning,” Feldspar said nonchalantly, a hand on his dagger and raised his voice to address the men, “hey, fuck off.”

“We won’t have any trouble if you hand over your shit,” one of them - Kenny bestowed him the name One-eye from how he had an eyelid sewed shut - called out to the pair, “and the dress.”

The thief flipped him off. The man opened his mouth to snarl at them, however he never got to as his head snapped back from an arrow lodged in his remaining eye. Feldspar turned to Kenny. “Dude what the fuck?”

“But you gave the warning,” Kenny countered with a confused look, firing another arrow and frowned when she missed. “Four left.”

“Yeah but Jesus - you didn’t have to shoot first,” Feldspar groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand, “now we’re the ones who started it.”

“Nah.”

“...nah?”

“Nobody will know if there are no witnesses,” the princess reasoned as she nocked another arrow. The men stepped over One-eye’s corpse, rushing at them. 

Feldspar thought about it - were all princesses this impulsive and bloodthirsty or just the ones he had to meet? - then shrugged and darted forward. “Cover me, I’ll get the guy in front.”

She had to admit, Feldspar was a good assassin even if he claimed he wasn’t - a quick stab to the gut and another to the target’s throat when he instinctively hunched over from the first blow. He kicked the man away almost lazily, leaving him to choke on his own blood and dodged a swing of a sword.

“Three,” he hollered to her and Kenny tore her gaze away from him to assess the remaining men - the sword user dancing with Feldspar, another archer in the shadows of the alleyway taking aim at her companion and a large half naked man covered in smoky ink in his skin stomping over to her.

“Give up girlie and I won’t bite,” the towering man told her, grin bright under his helmet as he brandished his spiked club. Barbarian, her brain supplied, a forest clan and neutral to the Keep, stick to range and avoid direct combat at all cost - neither Feldspar nor her could take a single hit.

She threw her bracelet past him in the tiniest hope that it might distract him. “There, now leave us alone.”

“Not enough,” the barbarian clicked his tongue at her, ignoring the gold entirely. “You should have started this.”

His helmet meant no headshots, rats would only tickle him and Feldspar was busy. Her best bet would be to summon the unicorn so she whistled sharply. It rang in the night air and it bounced off the walls of houses, but no white horse came to her aid. Whatever, when it reached them its bulk would tank the barbarian long enough for her to fire at his throat but the angle was off -

“Fuck!” 

Kenny twisted to see Feldspar stumble, clutching at an arrow in his arm and dropping his dagger. A wave of coldness washed over her. The wolf in the trap.

Her priority would be the behemoth raising a spiked club over his head - a quick shot to the ankle, slowing him down like a trapped bear - but Kenny found herself readjusting her angle because Feldspar was getting double-teamed and the enemy archer was aiming at Feldspar’s vulnerable back.  _ Twunk _ ! A satisfying sound of wood firmly hitting flesh. The archer dropped his bow, hands scrambling at the shaft embedded in his chest. Two left. Feldspar managed to duck under the sword user, snatching up his blade with his uninjured hand and sinking it deep into the other.

“One,” Kenny breathed and took the barbarian's blow.

The sound was muffled for what felt like an age, white hot agony in her middle squeezing out a pained wheeze. Kenny tried for a breath, then sputtered as her ribs and lungs screamed so she stopped - focused instead on blinking away the tears. It wasn’t the worst death but it sure as hell wasn’t on her top favourite - that piece of shit flung her aside like a ragdoll, maybe she should have ducked so the club got her in the head for something quicker. Still, this fucking _hurt_.

Her vision cleared enough to see Feldspar stumbled over to her, looking a little worse for wear but otherwise okay. He was kneeling over her, his mouth moving wordlessly. She watched his lips shift into something about healers, a chain of ‘fuck fuck fuck’ and what seemed to be her name. It was kind of heartwarming to see someone panic. A glance to the side revealed heavy hooves slamming down on what was left of the barbarian's face before the unicorn leaned down to snag its victim by the arm and dragged it away. Kenny wondered if the reason why the unicorn never ate grass or the fruits she offered it was because it ate people - she filed that thought for next time.

The best ‘it’s fine, I had a fun time and please don’t bother Bebe’ Kenny could convey without vomiting blood and guts was painstakingly raising her name to his cheek. It was easy, he leaned close enough for her to see little specks in his grey-blue eyes - they kind of looked like stars in the poor lighting of street lamps. In the distance, she could already hear the little pitter patters of the rats closing in.

"-ied earlier," came the rogue's voice through the muted screeching in her ears.

Whatever expression she gave him must had informed her that she didn't understand so Feldspar cleared his throat, catching her bloodied hand and pressing it against his cheek. His palm was so warm compared to her. "I lied about my name. It's Craig."

Hello Craig, Kenny thought and tried to pat Feldspar’s cheek - grimacing when the blood was too sticky. At least this way she will be home before midnight. She will apologise for the stain later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the unicorn is like horses in minecraft if u don't leash them. i built a home for mine and he still jumped the fence to climb some mountains. 
> 
> i half asleep when i wrote this so please lemme knw if u see anything weird


End file.
